Seeing My Dad Off Part I

The journey of seeing my Dad living through the last episode of his life was never planned. A day after we celebrated his 59th birthday, he left this world with a passport to Heaven which he was given few days before his departure.


My Dad’s cancer was diagnosed in March of last year. It was shocking at first because he was seemingly active and healthy only two months before that. He went through a long and excruciating open brain surgery to remove his brain tumor in April. His condition seemed to stabilize after the surgery. All he needed was a few special kinds of chemo and radio therapies which were considered very mild therapies by the oncologist. To show my support during such critical time, I decided to make a trip to visit him in May along with Matthias. Having the recollection of the month long visit a few months back still flesh in mind, I thought this would be another chance to create sweet memories with my parents along with their grandson. Little did I realize that my Dad was very much changed by his cancer. My Mom did not fare too well either. She was so overwhelmed by my Dad’s illness that she was often in dismal and in constant fear of losing my Dad.

Spending a month with a family you had not lived with for the past 15 years under such difficult circumstances did not go too well for any of us. The interactions among all of us were nothing but emotionally charged. Situations often arose where my parents accused me of being selfish. My parents especially resented that my son was taking up so much of my time that I was not able to spend more time with my Dad alone. Needless to say, I was miserable during the month that we were there. With all of my good intentions I made this trip but I found myself angry with my parents and frustrated with the cancer that somehow altered my Dad’s good nature. With all that came a sense of failure, a perception of constantly disappointing my parents and not meeting their expectation. In such desperate time with my husband being thousands of miles away and no church home around, I could only resort to prayers.

One day after a fight I had with my parents, I was praying while sobbing. In the midst of my prayer, a verse appeared in my mind. Matthews 11:29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls..” Humility and gentleness, though they were the furthest thing in my mind, they were exactly what I needed amidst my family turmoil. For the rest of the stay, the verse kept floating in my head and halted any potential bickering with my parents. It kept me from causing further detriments in the already-fragile relationship with my parents. Besides sending me this verse, God also sent a sister in Christ who happened to live in the same building as my parents to reprioritize what I should be asking from the Lord for my family. The lady posted the question of what is more important, my Dad’s salvation or his physical healing. Like being struck by lightening bolt, I realized what I have been asking from the Lord may not be best for my family.

After a month, I left Hong Kong with a disparaged heart, bemoaning the kind of testimony I left in my parents’ heart during a time when they would need the Gospel the most. After returning and over the next half a year, I found myself pondering for what exactly I should be praying. Slowly but assuredly I was led to the conclusion that it was not just my Dad’s salvation but the glory of God be revealed above all else from this whole ordeal.


To be continued.